Lux Alptraum

Lux Alptraum
Photo Credit: Ellen Stagg


Lux Alptraum writes about sex, feminism, and pop culture, offering a unique voice shaped by her years of experience as both a sex educator and an adult industry journalist. Her insightful commentary has appeared in publications like The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, SELF, The Atlantic, and Men’s Health, and helped shaped the voice of Fusion’s Sex.Right.Now. As a speaker, Alptraum has given talks and appeared on panels at venues like Harvard, Yale, Brown, Ohio State University, SXSW, and New York City’s Museum of Sex. Her first book, Faking It: The Lies Women Tell About Sex — And The Truths They Reveal will be out fall 2018 from Seal Press.




“I’ve Never Done That Before” And Other Lies Women Tell The People We Love

Honesty is supposed to be the best policy. Yet when it comes to our sex lives, many women have a hard time telling our partners the truth about our sexual histories. Whether we’re afraid we’ll be rejected for having too many sex partners or mocked for having too few, many of us would rather lie than fail to live up to our partners’ expectations — even when those expectations are impossible to meet. This talk takes a look at how a mix of purity culture and porn has created an unrealistic idea of what a “normal” woman’s sexual history looks like.

Faking It: A Defense of The Inauthentic Orgasm

Fake orgasms get a bad rap. If you believe what you read in lady mags, women who fake it are sad and sexually deprived, more concerned with their partner’s ego than their own sexual pleasure. But what if we have it all wrong? What if faking it isn’t a passive cry for help, but a way of claiming power? This talk discusses the surprising reasons women (and some men!) fake orgasm, taking a look at how our obsession with orgasms might actually be making sex worse.



Faking It: The Lies Women Tell about Sex–And the Truths They Reveal

When we talk about sex, we talk about women as mysterious, deceptive, and – above all – untrustworthy. Women lie about orgasms. Women lie about being virgins. Women lie about who got them pregnant, about whether they were raped, about how many people they’ve had sex with and what sort of experiences they’ve had – the list goes on and on. Over and over we’re reminded that, on dates, in relationships, and especially in the bedroom, women just aren’t telling the truth. But where does this assumption come from? Are women actually lying about sex, or does society just think we are?

In Faking It, Lux Alptraum tackles the topic of seemingly dishonest women; investigating whether women actually lie, and what social situations might encourage deceptions both great and small. Using her experience as a sex educator and former CEO of Fleshbot (the foremost blog on sexuality), first-hand interviews with sexuality experts and everyday women, Alptraum raises important questions: are lying women all that common – or is the idea of the dishonest woman a symptom of male paranoia? Are women trying to please men, or just avoid their anger? And what affect does all this dishonesty – whether real or imagined – have on women’s self-images, social status, and safety? Through it all, Alptraum posits that even if women are lying, we’re doing it for very good reason–to protect ourselves (“My boyfriend will be here any minute,” to a creep who won’t go away, for one), and in situations where society has given us no other choice.



  • “What Americans Get Wrong About Porn” – The New York Times
  • “Porn Has Existed For Decades, But Its Consumption Has Evolved With Technology” – Huffington Post
  • Faking It is quite literally a revelation. With a friend’s candor and an activist’s passion, Lux Alptraum sets a cleansing fire to myths about sex, shame, and deception that have been hiding in plain sight for centuries. Faking It doesn’t simply unravel these fictions, it vigorously dismantles them, and in doing so reminds us that the socially constructed “mysteries” of women—what they do, why they do it, who they do it with—are far less about women themselves than they are about a culture that still fears both their pleasure and their power.” —Andi Zeisler, author, We Were Feminists Once
  • Lux Alptraum is a fearless and frequently hilarious guide through the murky waters of 21st-century sexual politics, one who never settles for the easy answers. ‘Faking It‘ shows that in sex — as in so much else — what women do matters less than why they do it. — Sady Doyle, author, Trainwreck
  • This is a mind blower of a read. A completely fresh perspective. Necessary, and frankly, highly fucking appreciated. Kudos to Lux Alptraum for igniting this particular rocket. — Jenny Lumet, screenwriter, Rachel Getting Married
  • In Faking It, Lux Alptraum deftly deconstructs our most persistent cultural clichés—from orgasms to makeup, from pornography to birth control—to show how even ‘progressive’ ideas about sex are rooted in a fundamental misunderstanding of women’s bodies, motivations, and desires. After reading it, you won’t be able to unsee how societal scripts have failed us at every turn. This book is a brilliant and necessary part of the conversation, and it cements Alptraum as one of our most essential contemporary voices on sex and gender. — Carmen Maria Machado, author, Her Body and Other Parties